Us human beings are made to be tough and enduring.  We came from generations of our kind,who unfolded over thousands of years under very difficult circumstances.  Our great great grandfathers acting together have  chased animals in the savannah, and stared over mile high icebergs as they went north, killing mammoths in the bleak landscape.  We, as we are now, their children’s children, ourselves  are tough, enduring, ingenious and  social.  We thrive, being challenged.  Also we humans cannot be understood except in connection with interacting and dealing with other fellow humans, by being cooperative, contributing and helping and respecting each other and also competitive but obeying the rules.  Fortunately we are born with all these traits but we need as parents to strengthen them  in our children with our own attitude, helping them as they are  growing up.  Especially since and unfortunately we also each one of us humans, feel naturally from day one, like little emperors and a little opportunistic on the side.  All children do.  The sooner we, as parents address these attitudes that are naturally present in our children and then help them to get rid of them, the better, for them to be able to survive, get along with others and be reasonably happy.  Treating them like being chinaware with endless worry “not hurting their feelings” as the current cultural attitude – being reflected in many professionals – is in fact counter productive and even outright harmful.  Many children end up feeling entitled un-contributing and unproductive without enduring persistence of effort as well feeling perpetually frustrated  and even in mischief.

Here are the four rules:

1. Structure (setting  limits and constraints and sticking to them).

2. Consistency and sameness (avoid changing attitude).

3. Fairness for all children and their siblings.

4. Expectancy (as parent expect the child to perform and feel challenged).

Of course, a little affection always helps but fortunately is almost always there.  (It is in our genes.)

So, remember children are neither puppies nor breakable  chinaware.  Instead they are tough and ready to be trained, given to us as in trust to be prepared for a successful life, and the sooner they will  be made to understand, that life is not made for our  convenience, the better.

Those are the rules; use them, they work, after all  they are the very ones which were used by the Pedagogues  (leaders of children) in the 5th century BC in Athens Greece.  These Pedagogues knew how to produce scientists, poets, artists, philosophers, soldiers and responsive citizens who invented Democracy.  A last note; it is important the parents between themselves are in accord.  Disagreements regarding issues in raising the kids should be dealt with privately between them.  A common front is of paramount importance.